Re-written Nursery Rhymes (not for kids) ;-)

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh shit, it's Global Warming.

Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
...But she didn't wear that one often.

Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
'What have u got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon
Pies you dickhead.

Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to have a little fun.
Jill, the dill,
forgot her pill,
and now they have a son.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.

@Mikey_C

Looking at your post count (666)

O_o

Looking at your "nursery rhimes"

o_O

Looking at you

O_O

I KNEW you were evil

@Raziel

What makes you think Mikey is Evil




he one of the good guys

@Mikey_C

OH MY <beep>ING GOD...

You really had me lying on the floor there

@Mikey_C

LOLOL! I just popped in to catch up on news and saw this. Thanks for the laugh... :o)

With the lawsuit documents piling higher and deeper we could all use some humor.

Kind Regards,
Kay

@Mikey_C

Are those rhymes from the Benny Hill Show perhaps ?!?

Some New ones have come to light...

Mary had a little lamb
It had a touch of cholic,
She gave it brandy twice a day,
And now it's an alcoholic.

Mary had a little lamb,
The Midwife died of Shock

Mary had a bionic cow,
It lived on safety pins.
And every time she milked that cow
The milk came out in tins.

Mary had a little lamb
Her father had its mother
Which means the lamb
that Mary had , is actually her brother

Mary had a little lamb
The Doctor was surprised
But when Old MacDonald had a farm
The Doctor nearly died

For Eurovision Festival of next year.

Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
Her knickers and dresses all torn,
Right there beside,
Was little Boy Blue,
Playing with his little big horn.

@mikey_c

I don't remember the melody.

@ajs

That's Mikey's new avatar right there!